Well my fellow dieters I don't know about you but this was another interesting week with the joy diet. The "ingredient" this week was desire and that word desire always scares me like it is a bad thing, like it is too intense to truly feel into desire.
I usually read the chapter and a sentence or section will jump out at me and then I follow the feeling, almost allowing the intuitive flow to lead me where I need to go. Anyway here is my experience this week.
On page 47 this paragraph jumped out at me "early on we learn through observation, advice and painful experience that wanting is an appallingly dangerous activity."
Oh boy did that hit home with me, I was surrounded by people who were squashing their desires.
I remember one Aunt who was very involved and played a big role in my life always saying to me when I expressed wanting something, "How does it feel to want?", she would say this in a sarcastic tone, and the feeling she gave me was that it was a bad thing to want anything. Ironically I think she wanted anything but the life she had and she dealt with this unhappiness with denial and drinking.
I would read romance novels as a young adult (I still do sometimes ;-D) and the same Aunt would say to me "you know there is no knight in shining armor out there for you." Until now I did not know how much that affected me, maybe she thought she was being realistic and helpful but really all she was doing me was teaching me it was ok to settle for less. Over the years her pessimistic attitude rubbed off on me some. I was born an optimistic person and I want to get back to that person and I don't want to settle for being less than my authentic self anymore.
Here are some of me desires now:
**To be seen, heard and loved for who I am, and not what others want me to be. Hey, I have a sneaking suspicion that who I really am is a pretty amazingly cool person!
**To forgive myself and others for past hurts, it is time to move on and let go of that hurt, so I can fully engage in my life now. (I wrote somewhat about this on my Wed Wishcasting post)
**To honor my desire to help others. This is a desire I had ever since I was young. My Dad squashed that desire in me by telling me I am too sensitive a person to become a therapist, which is what I wanted to do. Well I don't see myself going back to school now at 43 years old to become a therapist but I can find other ways to help others. Maybe I can help others find their stories through creativity, who knows, I am open for what comes my way.
**I also desire to have more passion in my life and for my life, physical, spiritual and emotionally. I think the other desires will lead me there also.
WOW this book is cracking me open like a walnut, and I kinda like it. The Photo above (click to enlarge) if from my October Full moon dreamboard, I desire to be like the woman in the center, who is grounded in her earthiness!!
Enjoy your week of creativity and I will see you back here next week my fellow dieters.
Namaste,
KAren
11 comments:
You and I have come from similar pasts Karen. So I understand exactly how this "squashing" of our desires/wants has affected us into adulthood. And how we can change this and shake it off. I'm glad you are able to see the desires you feel in your heart and, well said -- "this book is cracking e open like a walnut"!! Brilliant!
Yes, yes, yes. This is what I would call: The typical woman-experience: all wishes smashed in ("it's for your own good to tell you: you can't achieve what you want"- how I hate this adult-crap!) and emerging slowly from all these masks and lost desires. It's just what I felt.
Thanks for being so open!
Yes, the walnut-book, haha, I kinda like that too. It's much deeper than I thought it would be.
But maybe because we all are sharing it, I think that's the point, because if not, we would skip a chapter or maybe some of us would not read it til the end ("Nothing- oh my! Not now!")
xx LW
This book is really working! I keep saying they should teach us this stuff at school...
wow you expressed everything so well here! Thanks also for stopping by my blog and leaving comments! ;)
So often many of us spend alot of time trying to please others and bury our own dreams. Your dreamboard desire collage is very spiritual.
It does feel great to get cracked open. I'm happy to see that you are feeling good about it too. It is hard not to let the voices of our parents influence us, even when we are in our forties. When your dad sees you following your heart and living a happy life, he will be so happy for you. Besides, is he right 100% of the time? Have fun exploring those desires.
Yes, I'M another woman in her forties who can completely understand where you are coming from. Let's continue to crack ourselves open and love the process. I can't wait to see what's inside the next walnut, errrr... chapter.
yes, I also wanted to do therapy, art therapy. but time and money want allow this to happen, but art and creativity can! And sharing of ourselves like on this post is so therapiutical, good for us, we are already doing it!Like you said, the desire will lead us to the right path.
i love your desires. and yes, you are totally right when you said cracking you open like a walnut. but there is so much light hidden away in that shell, let it out girl, let it out!! :)
Oh, those doggone messages we get from other people, and our silly impulse to believe in them! I can relate so much to your post. Here's to allowing your own beautiful self to emerge from within, gifting the world with such a thoughtful, sensitive presence! :)
My mom used to say "how does it feel to want" all of the time. I had completely forgotten about her negativity until I read your post. Isn't it amazing that, even at an early age, we are conditioned to believe that wanting something is bad? Although, I suspect that my mom used this phrase because she was raising four young kids that were each one year apart. YIKES!!!
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