Reflections on Squam

Eldorado Cabin at Squam

It's has been 5 days since I have returned from Squam Art Workshops, the creative dream of Elizabeth MacCrellish.  This is like sleep away art camp for adults.

I met some wonderful women online while taking Susannah Conway's Unravelling class and we spoke of attending this workshop and meeting each other in person.  I also knew some other people from different ecourses were attending so I was looking forward to meeting everyone in person.  I drove up with  Liz ,whom I had met in Unravelling, we had 6 hours to chat on the way and I can honestly say we did not put the radio on once as we got to know each other.

Pulling up I got this oh shit feeling, what have I done and can I turn around and go home now, this was pushing me up and through my comfort zone.



Elizabeth MacCrellish really tuning in to what an attendee is telling her



First  we go to register and I meet  Peg, Elizabeth and Linda E  who were so helpful in answering all my pre-squam questions.   Here we were greeted with open hearts and open arms that left you feeling welcome right away then off to the cabin we go and as you can see by the top picture what a cabin it was.  The cabin was shared by 13 of us and I was already starting to feel that high school feeling of not being good enough and who do I think I am these woman are real artists I am a fraud, a newbie.  In the end I found out we are all more alike than different and sharing these emotions  with others and hearing them say they felt the same was a huge relief.

Suffice it to say all the women over the course of this 4 day workshop became near and dear to me, they held me up and we shared, tears, laughter, our stories and wonderful meals together.  At the end of each day we would gather around the fire and share about our day and the classes we took, I can honestly say I have never felt so SEEN or HEARD before.  I was having a bit of trouble with my anxiety but I kept pushing myself out there, I was determined not to isolate myself, and this is the biggest tip I can give anyone thinking of attending, just go with an open heart and put yourself out there even if it's just a little bit and if you feel like you are stumbling there will be someone to catch you of that I am sure.



Jen Lee who IS true

 The first day classes were "Storycatchers" and "Care and Keeping of the Creative Soul" with the wonderfully intuitive and gifted Jen Lee.  The thing I have to say about Jen is she has this way of seeing right through all your layers and getting to the core of you, I really felt like she was talking to my heart, I have no other way of describing it.  In these classes we learned to tell our stories and bear witness to others stories.  This class is where I had my first of many cries ( one good cry a day is good for the soul, another lesson learned at Squam).  I could not write my story, it was too hard and Jen really spent some time with me and helped guide me back.  In the afternoon class we learned how to care for our creative souls, how you can feed your soul and  keep yourself strong and nourished so we don't get depleted.     At the end of the class Jen gave out blessings that we randomly picked and she then proceeded to connect with you by looking straight into your eyes and reading your blessing to you.   Mine could not have been any more perfect for what I was feeling at that moment, here is what mine said:

"You don't have to get it right, just keep showing up with your whole heart!"  PERFECT

I can honestly say Jen broke me open in the best way possible.




The Queen of Polaroid:  the lovely Susannah Conway

 Day two was  the lovely and talented Susannah Conway's "Open your Eyes" photography class.  I have taken Susannah's online classes and was excited to meet her in person, she is just as lovely and down to earth as I was expecting.  I had some polaroid questions and she took the time to really help me out with my camera and believe me I was quite embarrassed to find out my new Polaroid film would not load because I had yet to eject the previously used film.  OOPS!

I had some fellow cabin mates and unravellers in this class which made it that much more fun. 

I felt so bad for Susannah who was sick with a terrible cold  yet she gave it her all and then some.  It really felt like  meeting up with an old friend I have not seen in awhile.  The first half of the class was about composition and how to train your eye and frame the photo right there through the composition.  I learned so much during this section and loved putting it into play during our half day photo taking excursion which made up the second half of the class.  Shoot the RED will be something I never forget.





Jonatha Brooke Song Writing

 So now we arrive at Saturday and it's time for  Jonatha Brooke's song writing class.  I have no song writing experience but I have tried my hand at poetry.  I knew none of my cabin mates would be in this class and most likely the rest of the group had already met in the previous days song writing class so to say I was nervous would be an understatement!  As I headed to class the first bright face I see is  Jen Gray whom I had been chatting with through email leading up to Squam.  I said hey and introduced myself as Karen and she said DELDINO I have been looking for you (my email address is deldino) so Deldino I would be in this class.  Jen was a newbie songwriter also so we sat together in class which I appreciated Jen just has a way about her that puts you at ease and makes you feel loved. 

The first thing Jonatha had us do is go outside and sing "The Goat Herding" song from "The Sound of Music" while doing interpretive dance, this she said will put us all on the same goofy footing.  Though I did not break into song and dance as enthusiastically as the rest I did give a decent yodel ;-)

Jonatha shared her tips and exercises for stretching and working your writing muscle and I learned how to look for inspiration in poems and free flow writing.  I am so happy Elizabeth M. talked me into staying in this class.  My fears were getting the best of me and she reached out to me and grabbed my hand the day before and said just come up to that fear and push through it and I did.   This was the perfect class to end on and I loved Jonatha and felt like she really made time for all of us.  The bonus was that  we got to hear about her new album "The Works" that she made while going through Woody Guthrie's words and work.  It is AMAZING, I listened to it when I got home.  If you want to here in her own words about the making of this album check it out here:  Jonatha Brooke - Making the Works.
I loved how Jonatha made me feel like my words mattered and that is a gift I will cherish. The cherry on the top of it all was getting to hear some of her songs up close and personal.

Here are my lyrics that I wrote for the class during a writing exercise using a line in a poem as inspiration:

When I've gone through what I must
And I've cleared through all the dust
What's left behind to see
Is all that left of me
Broken down and reborn
I've a new skin to be worn

Later that night we had a trip into town to see one of our cabin mates artwork on display at the Squam Art Show. Next we grabbed quick sandwiches to enjoy with wine by the fire before attending Vendor night where we proceeded to empty our wallets on all the goodies our fellow squammies made.  ( I especially loved Liz's Pop Up Pocket Pals!)

The thing I noticed the most was the strength of this supportive community of creative souls who are there for each other.  I noticed many returning squammies reaching out and embracing the newbies like myself, this is a testament to Elizabeth and the intention she holds for this space.

I thank Elizabeth and all her magical helpers, RDC, my wonderful teachers and most of all my ElDorado cabin mates (Liz, Lily, Nicola, Suzy, Susan, Sharyn, Heidi, Stacee, Kerry, Lisa, Stephanie and Donna)  who SAW the me behind the anxiety and the insecurities, it is something I will not soon forget and will hold on to as I try to bring a little bit of Squam into my everyday life.  I hope we will all remain in touch and continue to support each other in this creative community.

In closing I say go to squam with an open heart and soak it in, you will leave changed of that there is no doubt, at the very least you will KNOW you are not alone!

Big Love to all...



Group Picture Credit:  Thea Coughlin

 Until next year


Sunrise over Squam Lake