Wiscast Wednesday and 52 Photo Project

Today is Wednesday and over at Jamie Ridler’s and Bella’s 52 Photo Project we are sharing our dreams, wishes and photos. Jamie is asking us “What do you wish for your health?” and Bella is asking us to share photos of water.

I have had some health problems over the years including asthma/copd, gerd and now a knee problem. It can be overwhelming and some days I feel like I can't remember a time I just felt good.  So today comes along and while I am worrying about the MRI I have scheduled next week and allergies are messing with my breathing I come across the above picture to share at Bella's and I am reminded of a time when I DID feel good.

The scene above is of Squam Lake which I took while attending  Squam Artworkshops  last September.  I can remember breathing in the beauty of that lake and all the emotions I felt being around like minded souls.  I was undone in a good way and still trying to assimilate the changes that occurred for me there. I felt accepted in a way I have not always felt, accepted and supported. I came up against a lot of my anxieties about being away from home on my own with no familiar faces and having to really pay attention to myself and my needs in a new way but  also knowing that If I fell there would be arms to catch me. It was a new experience for me, one I still find hard describing.

Long story short if you have read my blog before you know I can get caught up in the fear/anxiety cycle pretty darn quick and this only makes ALL my health problems worse. I am in a strange formless place somewhere in transition. It is DAMN uncomfortable and I am clinging to the old ways tooth and nail, which includes emotional eating and the fear based place of not feeling loved or being enough for this one or that one. Generally not taking GOOD care of myself.

Something else I worry about is what will I be giving up in order to move forward. I know in order to truly embrace this change I will be giving up some things or even some people and  beliefs I held about myself and my story.  Then a day like this comes along and I am in creative space for a few moments writing this wish and looking at my pictures remembering that time and space where I caught  a glimpses of who I could be, healthy, whole and open hearted.  I want to be that person and I need days like this to remind me that it IS possible, that I can connect to community and sacred space through creating.

I am learning there may always be tough days but I can balance them with time spent in connection and creating which can only help my healing.  I thank both Jamie and Bella for creating these spaces for community and connection, I am truly grateful for these spaces.

I am feeling all over the place this week and I can see it today in my writing but I am just going to put it out here and let it be what it is.  So what are you wishing for your health today? As you wish for yourself, I am wishing for you also.

May this day find you and yours well.

Namaste,

Karen

Wishcast Wednesday and 52 Photo Project



light and dark

 Hello my fellow wishers and dreamers!  Today is Wednesday and over at Jamie Ridler's Studio's we are sharing our wishes and at Bella's we are sharing our pictures at 52 Photos Project.

The prompts are:  wish:  What dreams are you wishing for and picture:  A ray of light.

I am finding it very interesting combining these two prompts, I find they support each other bringing writing and pictures together, which I love.

This week I have been thinking about balance, acceptance and compassion.   Finding the balance between darkness and light is something I have been working on recently.  I know there are riches to be found in the darkness but I don't want to spend so much time there that I start to feel like I'll never see the light again, you know what I mean?

I am bringing compassion and acceptance to where I am right now in this moment and at the same time I am setting intentions to mine that darkness which will make my life richer and more fullfilling.  Just like spending too much time in the darkness can make you forget about the light the opposite is also true. I spent a lot of time ignoring those dark space and what happened was a cut my self off from a big part of myself and what makes me ME!

The picture I chose for 52 Photos Project represents this balance.  You see the rich dark purple glow infused with the soft golden light within. 

I would like to also share this song with you, I thought of it immediately when I read Jamie's wish prompt this morning.  There are many versions but I kind of like this one, it's quirky, like me!



So my friends what dreams are you wishing for this week?
May you and yours be well.

Namaste,
Karen

Wishcast Wednesday and 52 Photo Project



Bella trying to find the perfect spot in the sun

 Hi my fellow wishers and dreamers.  Today is Wednesday and over at Jamie Ridlers Studios we are sharing our wishes and at Bella's place we are sharing our pictures over at 52 Photo Project.

Today's prompts are:  What do you wish to take a stand for and "found it on the ground".

Well what I wish to take a stand for is pretty easy, myself!  I worry so much about what I say and do and how it will affect others in my life that I lose sense of what I want and what's important to me.

I am going to give you a pretty painful example.  There is this woman who is very close friends with my husband.  She also happens to be my husband's best friends wife.  This woman and my husband were room mates (strictly platonic) when I first met my husband so I know there was a bond formed then.  When I became engaged she actually had the balls to say to me that it was a good thing she liked me or my husband would not be marrying me.  I should have known then she was setting the tone for what she felt was her place in my husband's life. 

Over the years (17 now) we moved to the same town as them, became god parents to one of their children and so on.  I think one of my main concerns is she relies on my husband for too many things, especially when her husband isn't around or not emotionally capable.  This has been a big problem for me and don't get me wrong my husband made himself available, he was not blameless.  It got to the point over the last few years that my husband and she would talk on the phone almost every day and the texting was out of control.  I ALWAYS felt like I was in competion with her for my husband's attention.  When my husband starting going through his doubts about our relationship he confided in her and commiserated with her regarding her problems also, which I feel can be a dangerous boundary line to cross between married people.   I always felt I could not make waves because I was actually fearful my husband would choose them (his best friend and wife) over me and really how sad is that.  Basically I kept myself in this situation because of fear.

Over last summer there was a big blowup when I overheard my husband telling this woman that he felt like they should back off because his feelings for her were starting to feel more than friendly, well of course when you confide and commiserate with someone this is something that could happen.  She then said she wished that she felt the same way because then her life would be easier.  I was like WTF; my husband did not mean he would run off with her, he just felt like his feelings were getting mixed up.  Needless to say I freaked out and really told my husband I could not deal with this anymore.  I was giving this woman way too much power over me, yes I was, she was just being who she is.  Anyway she would take on no ownership of this issue, just acted like it was all on my husband.  I tried to tell her how I felt about the lack of  boundaries she had with my husband but she wouldn't hear any of it.  And then to top it off I found out she was saying nasty things about me to other people, when all  I had ever been was nice to her.  I shouldn't be surprised really she is one of those people that always talks about others.

So now I am in a place of distancing myself from her, really who needs friends like that.  My husband is still very close to his friend and still talks to her somewhat but I told him I feel like It is time for me to stand up for myself and not be around someone who really doesn't respect my feelings.  I am not worried anymore that my husband will leave, we have decided to work on our marriage and he has already talked about what happened and what led him to that and he was honest with me about his mixed up feelings.  So the bottom line is if he does leave me over my distancing myself from this woman then I figure I am better off without him! 

I would ultimatlely love to help others stand up for themselves, to not let fear keep them in bad situations and  in order to do that I have to walk that walk myself, which led me to this answer for today's wish. 

The photo prompt was found on the ground which was really interesting to me since lately I have been looking up at trees and the sky for my pictures. The first thing I noticed when I looked down was my puppy and her shadow as she basked in the late afternoon sun spot, now it is not techically ground as in outside, but it was the ground under my feet while I looked down in that moment ;-)

I want to truly thank you for listening to this part of my story today, it felt good to share it here with you in this wishing and creative space.  In a way the picture I chose for the photo project goes with the wish as this puppy has really been a balm to my soul these last few years, always there with her unconditional love.

As you wish for yourself, I am also wishing for you.

May this day find you and yours well.

Namaste,
Karen

Tuesdays Tunes and Pictures

Hi!
Today's tune is "Songbird" by Fleetwood Mac. The Pictures are of the wild cloud formations we have had around here the past week.



Here are the lyrics:

For you, there'll be no more crying,
For you, the sun will be shining,
And I feel that when I'm with you,
It's alright, I know it's right

To you, I'll give the world
to you, I'll never be cold
'Cause I feel that when I'm with you,
It's alright, I know it's right.

And the songbirds are singing,
Like they know the score,
And I love you, I love you, I love you,
Like never before.

And I wish you all the love in the world,
But most of all, I wish it from myself.

And the songbirds keep singing,
Like they know the score,
And I love you, I love you, I love you,
Like never before, like never before.



May this day find you and yours well.

Namaste,

Karen

Winner of Jen Lee's "Finding Your Voice" Giveaway

http://www.jenlee.net/multimedia-resources/

Thank you all so much for stopping by and reading my interview with Jen, you all had such wonderful things to say.  I decided to pick two winners instead of one because I just felt that strongly about sharing this opportunity and I belive in paying it forward, I received an unexpected bonus at work and I wanted to pass that on.  So without further ado the winners are:

Amelia
MezzoDiva

The winners were pulled using Random Integer Generator

Here are your random numbers:
25
17
Timestamp: 2011-05-06 16:04:59 UTC

Congratulations you guys are going to love it.  I will contact you to get your address information

Have a wonderful weekend everyone.  I leave you with this optical illusion shot of our puppy Bella, it truly looks like she is floating!  So Fun.

Namaste
Karen

Wishcast Wednesday and 52 Photo Project

OPEN

Good morning my fellow wishers.  Today it's Wednesday and over at Jamie Ridler's Studios it's a day to share our dreams.  The wish prompt today is:  what do you wish to know?  I am also participating in Bella's 52 Photo Project where this week the prompt was:  Color.

So here is the thing about today's wish, it's tricky for me since I have been spending the last year or so cultivating a sense of "not knowing".  This may sound odd but the NEED to know has been a big stumbling block in my moving forward.  So this will be an odd wish for me to answer but try I will.

I spent many years wrapped up in the vortex of having to know, finding safety in the finding and knowing of things. I am now working towards being ok with the NOT knowing, you can really get lost in that NEED to know.  I am learning to distinguish between what I truly need to know with what is ok not knowing. ( It is hard for me to explain this in writing.)

Obviously I need to know things, like what time I have to be somewhere, how to get there, what I have to bring with me to be prepared, how many tsps of this or that go into this or that. On the other hand having to know the cause of everything can be a way to get trapped in that cycle of why, why, why, some things just ARE.  I know I am an extemely sensitive person with some trauma held in my body, I don't need to know the actual cause to move through it,  that need to know can actually turn into another distraction which in turn keeps me stuck.  So basically what I wish to KNOW is that I will be ok with the NOT knowing.

I met Bellla online during some e-courses.  I love her blog and the way she sees the world through her photos.  You can find out more about her at  She Told Stories or here at 52 Photo Project.  My response to this week's prompt is the pic above of the open flag waving in the blue sun filled skies.   It  makes me happy seeing it and it takes me back to the moment I took the picture.  I can almost feel the sun on my face and to me that is what a picture can do, take you back to that moment.

Lastly I did an interview with the lovely Jen Lee which includes a giveaway of her new multimedia package, "Finding Your Voice"  Just click here to read and enter.  Interview with Jen Lee.

I have to say this week was hard for me and I am still not sure I explained it in the right way. I try not to edit these wish posts too much, just going with what comes out when I spend time with the wish.

As always what you wish for yourself, I am also wishing for you.  May this day find you and yours well.

Namaste,

Karen

Tues Tunes: Jason Mraz "Geek in the Pink - Live"

May around here, buds turning to new leaves

Music always soothes my soul and Jason Mraz has something special.  I love watching his live performances and the way he interacts with the audience.

Also a reminder to check out my post here to win a free copy of Jen Lee's "Finding Your Voice"
http://deldino.blogspot.com/2011/05/giveaway-and-interview-with-jen-lee-for.html

May this day find you and yours well,
Namaste
Karen

Enjoy "Geek in the Pink - Live"

Giveaway and Interview with Jen Lee for Monday Inspiration




Jen on stage courtesy of Jen Lee

It is my pleasure to share with you the interview I did with Jen Lee regarding her new multimedia package  "Finding Your Voice" which is available now at Jen Lee Multimedia Resources.  You can see Jen telling you in her own words about the making of "Finding Your Voice" in the video at the beginning of the interview.

I first met Jen online and quickly became a reader of her blog where she shares so openly and honestly, truly living her own motto:  Just Be True!   I have also seen her perform live at Moth Storytelling events and have taken her classes at Squam Art Worshops where she will be teaching again this September.

Below is what I  wrote after returning from Squam last September and it is the best way I have of describing Jen to you.

Jen Lee Squam September 2010

The thing I have to say about Jen is she has this way of seeing right through all your layers and getting to the core of you, I really felt like she was talking to my heart, I have no other way of describing it. In these classes we learned to tell our stories and bear witness to others stories.  I could not write my story, it was too hard and Jen really spent some time with me and helped guide me back. In the afternoon class we learned how to care for our creative souls, how you can feed your soul and keep yourself strong and nourished so we don't get depleted. At the end of the class Jen gave out blessings that we randomly picked and she then proceeded to connect with you by looking straight into your eyes and reading your blessing to you. I can honestly say Jen broke me open in the best way possible.

The questions I had in mind were questions that came up for me and others when we spoke of finding and sharing our own stories, so without further ado here is the interview:

I love that you added an audio component to your multi media package, what led you to this decision?

My favorite way to take in new content right now is to listen to audio programs. I love hearing people speak their own words in their own voices. I wanted to add an audio component to this course because it adds another layer of presence to have a voice to go with the words, and I wanted to infuse this project with as much of my presence as possible. I would prefer to be face-to-face with everyone, but that isn't always possible. I was trying to create something that would be the next best thing, which is also why I decided to hand-write blessings inside each one.

Can you tell us a little about the first time you shared a story on stage or just one on one, what it felt like then and how it feels now?

I was telling stories rather unconsciously to my friends for a long time. I would just tell them what was happening or what I was thinking like it was nothing, really, and sometimes the words would be like little bombs that would just quietly go off in the listener. It took me a long time to figure out, "What's that about?"

Now I'm trying to bring more awareness to the stories I'm holding, so I can deliver them a bit more intentionally and gently. But there's still this part of me that doesn't really understand what I'm holding, especially with a new story. I have to give it away, to tell it, and then have someone tell me what it is before I even know myself.

What is your favorite self care practice during the process of story mining and telling, the one that help keeps your balanced?

My favorite self-care practice is to balance the being seen with letting myself be hidden, too. I've gotten myself in trouble when I've operated out at the edge of my capacity for vulnerability too hard and too long. That kind of overdoing it takes a lot to bounce back from. I go to these shows, and I can tell the stories on stage, but sometimes I can be really socially awkward with the hosts and the audience members before and after. I used to be hard on myself about that, but now I know it's just the next developmental piece for me. Part of the reason I've been able to do it is that I can slip back into the crowd when I'm done. I live this very anonymous existence here in Brooklyn, and the invisibility helps balance the visibility of some aspects of my work.

When I take a big leap, I give myself a lot of loving care on the other side to recover. Mining and telling our stories is more than an intellectual exercise--it can really be a form of soul work--so appreciating the ways we're stretching and being careful not to push ourselves out past the edge of our capacities makes a big difference. It's too easy to make ourselves wrong for needing the things we do, but I get a lot farther when I embrace and honor those needs instead.

What wisdom can you share with those who are interested in learning how to find and share their stories but are concerned with judgment especially in the sharing of their stories?

I'm a big proponent of telling our stories to safe people, in welcoming and secure environments. It starts with one safe person, who will let us belong to her no matter what we say. Our intuition is our best guide regarding what to share and with whom. We don't have to take on our critics or precarious relationships right away--we can work our way up to that, if we must do it at all. The other thing we can do is become safe people for those around us. The greater the safety nets we build, the more courageous we can be.

I would like to thank Jen for taking the time to answer my questions. I really believe this is important work, the sharing and telling of our stories, so  I would like to GIVE AWAY a copy of Jen's "Finding Your Voice".  Just leave a comment to this post to be entered, easy peasy, no rules or requirements.  I will announce the winner this Friday May 6th.

Jen Lee Bio:

Photo by Mati Rose McDonough, www.matirose.com

Jen Lee is a Brooklyn-based writer, photographer and a regular performer in NYC's storytelling scene, including The Moth Radio Hour and The Moth Mainstage. Jen is also the author of Solstice: Stories of Light in the Dark, Fortunes, and Take Me With You: A Journal for the Journey.

Jen leads workshops and retreats focusing on creative expression. She believes everyone has a story worth telling, and she would be delighted to hear yours. Send your stories, requests, comments and questions to Jen using the Contact link found here Jen Lee contact form. She invites you to follow her on Twitter, and to download The Story Catcher, which you will find over at Jen's Blog:  Jen Lee.net

May this day find you and your loved ones well. 

Namaste,

Karen