Wiscast Wednesday and 52 Photo Project

Today is Wednesday and over at Jamie Ridler’s and Bella’s 52 Photo Project we are sharing our dreams, wishes and photos. Jamie is asking us “What do you wish for your health?” and Bella is asking us to share photos of water.

I have had some health problems over the years including asthma/copd, gerd and now a knee problem. It can be overwhelming and some days I feel like I can't remember a time I just felt good.  So today comes along and while I am worrying about the MRI I have scheduled next week and allergies are messing with my breathing I come across the above picture to share at Bella's and I am reminded of a time when I DID feel good.

The scene above is of Squam Lake which I took while attending  Squam Artworkshops  last September.  I can remember breathing in the beauty of that lake and all the emotions I felt being around like minded souls.  I was undone in a good way and still trying to assimilate the changes that occurred for me there. I felt accepted in a way I have not always felt, accepted and supported. I came up against a lot of my anxieties about being away from home on my own with no familiar faces and having to really pay attention to myself and my needs in a new way but  also knowing that If I fell there would be arms to catch me. It was a new experience for me, one I still find hard describing.

Long story short if you have read my blog before you know I can get caught up in the fear/anxiety cycle pretty darn quick and this only makes ALL my health problems worse. I am in a strange formless place somewhere in transition. It is DAMN uncomfortable and I am clinging to the old ways tooth and nail, which includes emotional eating and the fear based place of not feeling loved or being enough for this one or that one. Generally not taking GOOD care of myself.

Something else I worry about is what will I be giving up in order to move forward. I know in order to truly embrace this change I will be giving up some things or even some people and  beliefs I held about myself and my story.  Then a day like this comes along and I am in creative space for a few moments writing this wish and looking at my pictures remembering that time and space where I caught  a glimpses of who I could be, healthy, whole and open hearted.  I want to be that person and I need days like this to remind me that it IS possible, that I can connect to community and sacred space through creating.

I am learning there may always be tough days but I can balance them with time spent in connection and creating which can only help my healing.  I thank both Jamie and Bella for creating these spaces for community and connection, I am truly grateful for these spaces.

I am feeling all over the place this week and I can see it today in my writing but I am just going to put it out here and let it be what it is.  So what are you wishing for your health today? As you wish for yourself, I am wishing for you also.

May this day find you and yours well.

Namaste,

Karen