Wishcast Wed: What do you wish to fly free from?

Light through dying leaf

Good morning my fellow wishers and dreamers.  Today over at Jamie Ridler's Studios the wish prompt is:  What do you wish to fly free from?

I wish to fly free from this inertia and apathy that has invaded my life.  I have lost my spark and I have not been myself for quite some time.

As a child I played a caretaking role in my family and then as I became a teen and young adult I carried that over to my friendships as well as my family. I was the one who made sure everyone got home safe and sound and worried about everyone and everything.  My family as well as my friends always came to me with their problems and I felt so responsible to them, to be what they needed.  But who was there for me, not many.  My Dad especially relied on me for emotional support all his life since my Mother was closed off emotionally to everyone.  To this day she still can't say "I LOVE YOU" to anyone, it is just "you know" and  I feel like screaming "NO I DON"T KNOW HOW YOU FEEL!"

Then a few years ago there were 4 deaths in my family, 2 Aunts (close as mothers) my Dad and my Father in Law, all from cancer and all drawn out.  I was heavily involved in caretaking and was actually there when 2 of them died.  In the years since I feel like parts of me have died with them.  I have succumbed to inertia and apathy and can't even seem to care that I have gained 50 pounds in the last 10 years. 

But you know that is NOT true, I refuse to believe that I will continue this way.  I keep showing up in small ways.  I sign up for e-courses, I participate in Wishcast, I attended Squam Artworkshops, I support other artists, I have reached out more for help.   This points to the light that is still in me, it's just trying to find the way out of the dark.   I AM stronger then even I know.

I was reminded of all this during an intuitive reading/painting done by Charlie (Shamsi).  She correctly pointed out this apathy without knowing me that well, she could not have known.  Charlie also said the way out for me would be creating and storytelling which was a confirmation of what I already knew.  Now my dear ones the trick is to blindfold that apathy and inertia so it can't stop me from finding my way.

I feel like the picture above that I took for  Tracey Clark over at Big Pictures e-course, a dying leaf with the light shining through the middle, I will find my way and I am thankful to all your support and witness to this journey I am on.

Here is another project I was working on with my Squam roomies which was inspired by Susannah Conway's shoot the red.  It was especially challenging for me since the week was quite gloomy but all in all I was amazed at how much red is out there.  Enjoy the slide show. 

May all that you wish for come to be.  Have a great day.

Namaste,
Karen