The Joy Diet - Ingredient Treats~

Hello my fellow dieters over at Jamie Ridler's Book Blogging Group.
This week in "The Joy Diet" is the ingredient TREATS. Well I have to admit although I could not find the time to read this chapter this week I kept the idea of "treats" in my daily thoughts. Here are some treats I did have time for these last few weeks.

A long overdue shopping spree to Anthropologie, I love this store and I try to save up for a visit here and there. I love going in and browsing it is just so beautifully layed out. Here is a picture of some purchases I made, most on sale, which was great.

Click for larger view.

I have treated myself to some online courses in writing/art/photography and even a retreat class from a fellow wisher/dieter which I am loving, thanks Kathryn at Collage Diva. I have to say these treats have paid off in spades, they are treats that just keeps giving. I have met some wonderful people and I have discovered some creative energy in me that has been longing to get out and play.

And of course as the picture above shows I have treated myself to some dark chocolate everyday, just some at the end of my work day, I don't drink coffee so this is my pick me up treat.

And finally I continue to treat myself to this book and blogging with my fellow dieters, it has been a wild ride and I am enjoying sharing it with all of you.

I look forward to reading all about your week with treats and I will add to this post when I read the chapter.

Have a great weekend!
Namaste,
Karen

Wednesday Wishcasting-What treat do you wish for?

Today over at Jamie Ridler's Studio the wishcasting prompt is WHAT TREAT DO YOU WISH FOR?

Well this is going to be short and easy today, no lengthy ponderings. This wish has been coming up for me in some online classes I am taking. Here it is.... READY....

The treat I wish for is to find my way to the SQUAM Art retreat in September of 2010. Now to do this I have to overcome some insecurities, which are feeling inadequate or feeling invisible at an artist's retreat. Then there is the thought of how am I going to get there, it is a 6 hour drive and I really don't think I would feel safe making that trip alone. There has been some interest in car pooling, but do I take the chance and put a deposit down in January and risk that by September plans will work out with traveling companions?

I think the answer my wonderful wishcasting friends is a BIG FAT YES! I will trust that things will work out. So this is the treat I wish for, what treats are you craving this week?

Namaste,
KAren

How do you dress up your blog and some musical entertainment.

Hi my fellow bloggers.
I was wondering if you can share any tips and techniques you have used to dress up your blogs? I would love to spruce up my page but there is just so much information out there. I tried a free template but it deleted all my links and it was limited in what it let me add.

Any help would be appreciated very much.

I leave you with some music to enjoy.

Feeling Good - Nina Simone

Namaste,
Karen

PS - the pic is a mosaic of some of my tree pictures, I love trees and I take pictures of them wherever I go.

The Joy Diet - Ingredient: Risk

Hello fellow Joy Dieters. This process has been very topsy turvy for me, I am up then I am down then I spin myself around! I am really enjoying being shaken up a bit because you know it is better than the numbness I was experiencing in my life.
I am acutally FEELING things and that is a very good thing.

So this week in the Joy Diet is RISK and here is what Martha Beck says: Risk: Take one baby step toward reaching your goal. The only rule is it has to scare the pants off you.

Some of you may know I sometimes express my feelings in poetry, not pretty, flowy poetry, but short static rhyming poems, that is just the way my brain is producing poetry right now. I have had no training in poetry or creative arts, I have just been dipping me toes in. I am going to take a BIG RISK here and share some of my poems that come from a deep, sometimes dark place in me. I would like to shed some light on them. I figure if I really want to explore poetry and put myself out there with my words I have to willing to expose myself to others, even if I RISK them judging me.

I would like to learn more about poetry and poetry writing along with some art techniques because one of my dreams is to run one day retreats for like minded souls where I can lead them in different art projects and such. So this next year I am going to try to learn and grow as an artist and a poet.

Here are some of my words that came from a place in me that is slowly being uncovered. I am giving that side of me it's say.

Thanks for listening.

1.
You look at her with something in her eyes
while I watch something within slowly dies
do you see me here where I stand
won't you reach out with your hand
I've tried to tell you how I feel
now it's left for me to heal

2.
Put on the weight, the protection you need
if you were sensual, where would that lead
somewhere unknown and not so sure
to be loved, to be touched, not impure
are you ready now to take that chance
to wake from this self imposed trance

3.
Raised in fear, not knowing what to trust
bodyguards and bullets, they were a must
in hiding, when can we go home
out there, does danger still roam
how can the child figure it out
finding trust, when there's only been doubt

4.
What would it feel like without the guilt and shame
Can I live with myself with no one else to blame
Did the choices I make help pave the way
though I may have felt that I had no say
Letting go of the past and the hold it has on me
May this be the beginning of setting myself free


Namaste my fellow dieters. See you here next week, same bat time, same bat channel.

Day of the Dead (Dia de los Muertos)

Photo Credit: http://www.thaneeya.com/

The Mexican holiday of Dia de los Muertos (Day of the Dead) that takes place on November 1-2 has always intrigued me. Imagine sitting in the cemetery and celebrating with your relatives, those alive and those dead. I love this below quote from the SanFranciso Gate.
“The difference between the Day of the Dead (Dia de los Muertos) and Halloween mirrors the contrast between U.S. and Mexican attitudes toward death. Halloween's frightful images reflect the fear of being dogged by vengeful, if not gory, spirits; the Day of the Dead is an exuberant reunion with friends and family members who have moved on to the next stage of their journey.”

It seems a great way to honor your ancestors. The art created around this day (see Skull above) is always so colorful and vibrant not ghoulish.
I have posted some links below with some great information about the holiday. The link for Mexconnect has some beautiful photos on their page.

My Dad’s birthday is actually on November 1st so I think this year I will visit him in the cemetery and leave him some marigolds and sweets.


Dia de los Muertos Links:
http://www.livinginseason.com/category/celebrations/
http://www.mexonline.com/daydead.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Day_of_the_Dead
http://www.mexconnect.com/tags/day-of-the-dead
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2009/10/21/mexicomix102109.DTL&type=travel

Wishcast Wednesday: What do you wish to say YES to?

Good Morning fellow wishcasters and our Wish Guru, Jamie Ridler. Today over at Jamie Ridler's studio the wish is, "What do you wish to say YES to?".

As always such a seemingly innocent question leads me to some big revelations.

I wish to say YES to ME! I wish to say YES to loving and taking care of myself. I have no problems saying yes to those in my life so now I would like to say YES to myself.
I will list some things here as a reminder to myself of the things I know are good for me and all about taking care and loving myself:

1. Giving myself permission to be creative, to be in creative space, I KNOW this brings me back to self and grounds me to the here and the now.
2. Going back on Nexium for my Heartburn, with the intention of it being short term. I tend to thing all or nothing, so I avoid medicine because I don't want to stay on it forever. But my heartburn effects my asthma and I need to listen to what my body is telling me.
3. Getting my diet cleaned up and really noticing what foods are good for me and which ones aren't. I feel this is the only way I will be able to get off Nexium if I go back on it and ultimatly heal myself.
4. Moving my body, even if it is just walking daily to start.
5. Practicing my Reiki self treatments as another healing element in my life, for mind body and spirit. I became afraid of it because sometimes it made me feel things I could not explain.
6. Getting back to Spirit Singing, I know it works for releasing stress/anxiety.
7. To DREAM BIG and allow those dreams to be expressed in my life.
8. To having Faith and Trust even if I don't know what's to come.
9. This is a big one: saying YES to saying NO, when no is the right choice for me.

I know these things are good for me but I often do not choose to do them. In the last year I have been trying hard to figure that out, and the conclusion I come to is I often do not love myself enough to do what is good for me. I am stating for the record that I want to love myself and give myself a chance to be the person I am meant to be. I want to set myself up to succeed, not fail!

So fellow wishcasters what are you saying "YES" to today?

Why is is so hard to do right thing for oneself?

I am sitting here home sick on a Monday and when I am sick my mind seems to get a little negative.

I am wondering why is it so hard to do what's good for you? In my case I know I have heartburn problems and asthma and yet I don't always do the right thing for myself. I know chocolate and sauce and other things will bother my heartburn and yet I still choose to eat them.

I know I am overweight and walking 30 minutes a day could be extrememly beneficial, but do I make that choice, no I choose to sit on my rump and watch re-runs of old shows.

I don't understand my mind sometimes, I know logically what I could be doing to help myself, so why don't I do them, does anyone else struggle with this type of behavior?

There are people that say to me you just suck it up and do it, and I envy them because my brain doesn't seem to work that way.

But I will continue to prod myself with the hopes that step by step I get closer to making the right choices most of the time.

Just felt like rambling a bit.. thanks.

A Pause for some Musical Entertainment

I have had a heavy week, work was a bit stressful and busy so I just wanted a fun uplifting song for today.

Enjoy this blast from the past.

Journey - Don't stop believing

The Joy Diet - Creativity

So it's Friday again over at Jamie Ridler's Studio and it's time to talk about the next ingredient in The Joy Diet. This week's ingredient is CREATIVITY. When I started the chapter I was thinking it was going to be about creating like in art/poetry/music, etc., but it was about CREATING your life and how to do that by using creativity. I do like what she says about one psychological equivalent of yoga, an act that strengthens in a gentle but insistent wayk is the act of creation (pg 67) I believe I have felt this before while creating.

I have admit I had came across a roadblock with the "Perseverate Your Enemies" section and kind of got stuck there. So this post will be about what I did up to that point and hopefully I will add on when I make it through the rest of the chapter. So here goes:

Uncomfortable Truth #1: You are responsible for creating your life......

Ok, so that is a bitter pill to swallow. I have a friend who is a recording artist and her motto is "Create your reality before your Reality creates you" and I do believe if I don't stand up for myself or get off the sidelines of my life situations, events and people can gain too much control. I have to take that back for myself.
Two of my desires, to be loved and seen for who I am and to forgive and be forgiven have to start with me. If I don't love and forgive myself I don't see how others can. And If I don't show my true face, how will others know me.
So a way I can create my life is to be the person I am without worrying about what others think and show my true face to the world, at the very least I will love myself.

Uncomfortable Truth #2: Creation is Hard.

To stay with creating your life and personal power can get hard.
There seems to be so many outside forces teaming up with internal forces to throw up roadblocks to that creation. I am starting to see that part of the hard work is how to not get stuck at these roadblocks but to learn how to navigate around them.

Uncomfortable Truth #3: Creation Usually Does Not Work.

I can sum that up with this Japanese Proverb:
"Fall down seven times, get up eight"

As I said above I got stuck in the Perseverate Your Enemies section, since the enemies I could list were people who committ crime against others and I felt there was nothing I could learn from them and take on as my own so I am stuck at one of those roadblocks, but not to fear I am thinking up creative ways of getting around this one! ;-) My vision picture for this week shows I may be stuck but I am finding my sense of humour here! Actually I think I will just drive on by that section and on to the next!

I think like with any recipe you are working with, you add and adjust ingredients to suit your needs, I have found some things helpful in this book and others I had a hard time with so I will take what works for me and leave what doesn't.

I look forward to checking in with all my fellow dieters to see how their week with "creating" went.

Namaste for now.

Wishcasting Wednesday - What do you wish to let go

Phote: LisaCharlene
Today is wishcasting day over at Jamie Ridler's. The prompt today is "What do you wish to let go of?" Man oh man sometimes I feel like Jamie is speaking right to me and saying just what I need to hear when I need to hear it.

Here are the three big things I wish to let go of:

1. FEAR - the fear of change, the fear of not being good enough, the fear of not being loved, the fear of so many things.
2. ANXIETY - the constant monkey mind, the eternal critic's voice chattering away in my head, the constant worrying, it is wearing me down.
3. OLD WAYS OF COPING: the old ways are not working anymore, the emotional eating, the numbing out in front of the tv, the ignoring the signs, nope, just not working anymore. I have found peace in creating and I would like to give myself permission to be in that space more.

I wrote a poem today while thinking of this wish, here it is.
________________________________________________________________
what is this fear and anxiety that lives deep inside me
when did it start, when did I truly start to see
faith, love and trust, these are what I now seek
not this fear and anxiety which only makes me weak
while I move forward through this healing time
I remind myself the path to wholeness is worth the climb
__________________________________________________________________

So my fellow wishcasters, what do you wish to let go of?

The Joy Diet - DESIRE

Well my fellow dieters I don't know about you but this was another interesting week with the joy diet. The "ingredient" this week was desire and that word desire always scares me like it is a bad thing, like it is too intense to truly feel into desire.

I usually read the chapter and a sentence or section will jump out at me and then I follow the feeling, almost allowing the intuitive flow to lead me where I need to go. Anyway here is my experience this week.

On page 47 this paragraph jumped out at me "early on we learn through observation, advice and painful experience that wanting is an appallingly dangerous activity."
Oh boy did that hit home with me, I was surrounded by people who were squashing their desires.

I remember one Aunt who was very involved and played a big role in my life always saying to me when I expressed wanting something, "How does it feel to want?", she would say this in a sarcastic tone, and the feeling she gave me was that it was a bad thing to want anything. Ironically I think she wanted anything but the life she had and she dealt with this unhappiness with denial and drinking.

I would read romance novels as a young adult (I still do sometimes ;-D) and the same Aunt would say to me "you know there is no knight in shining armor out there for you." Until now I did not know how much that affected me, maybe she thought she was being realistic and helpful but really all she was doing me was teaching me it was ok to settle for less. Over the years her pessimistic attitude rubbed off on me some. I was born an optimistic person and I want to get back to that person and I don't want to settle for being less than my authentic self anymore.

Here are some of me desires now:

**To be seen, heard and loved for who I am, and not what others want me to be. Hey, I have a sneaking suspicion that who I really am is a pretty amazingly cool person!

**To forgive myself and others for past hurts, it is time to move on and let go of that hurt, so I can fully engage in my life now. (I wrote somewhat about this on my Wed Wishcasting post)

**To honor my desire to help others. This is a desire I had ever since I was young. My Dad squashed that desire in me by telling me I am too sensitive a person to become a therapist, which is what I wanted to do. Well I don't see myself going back to school now at 43 years old to become a therapist but I can find other ways to help others. Maybe I can help others find their stories through creativity, who knows, I am open for what comes my way.
**I also desire to have more passion in my life and for my life, physical, spiritual and emotionally. I think the other desires will lead me there also.

WOW this book is cracking me open like a walnut, and I kinda like it. The Photo above (click to enlarge) if from my October Full moon dreamboard, I desire to be like the woman in the center, who is grounded in her earthiness!!

Enjoy your week of creativity and I will see you back here next week my fellow dieters.

Namaste,
KAren

Wednesday Wishcast -What do you wish to complete

So today is Wednesday and over at Jamie Ridler's Studio that means it is time to start wishing. Today's wish prompt is "What do you wish to complete?"

Hmmmm interesting question, what do I wish to complete?

I wish to complete my journey to forgiveness, there have been some things In my life that I have done that I feel like I have been punishing myself for. I meant no harm in these things and truly the one I harmed was myself. At this point in my life I would like to heal and forgive and move forward.

I wish to complete my goal of losing 40 pounds, I know this will aid in my physical body feeling better.

I wish to complete "The Joy Diet" book by Martha Beck even though it has brought up some tough stuff for me. I tend to jump into these type of books and then jump out when the going gets tough, I have Jamie Ridler and the book blogging group to thank for their support, which is really helping me stick with it.

I think that is enough for now I am sure I can come up with a million things but I think Forgiveness is the big one. The image above represents the me I am now forgiving the younger me.

Enjoy your day fellow wishcasters.

Namaste,
KAren

Visual Free Association Game

Hi!

Being a very visual person I tend to look at images and words will come to me. It reminds me of the free association game where someone says a word and then you say the first word that comes to you from that.

I thought it would be cool to post images here and then post 3 words that come to me immediately upon viewing the image. If you care to join me just add your words to the comments section below.

Here is todays picture from All Posters

Salvatore Dali

and my 3 words are:
Taking In Beauty

Full Moon Dreamboard - Earth

Today is the Full Harvest Moon Dreamboard over at Jamie Ridler's Studio.

When I was reading Jamie's description during her new moon post the idea that jumped out at me was EARTH. MY dreamboard is full of earth visions. The center piece is from Sage Woman calendar. I love the woman in the middle she is out in nature calling to the elements to honor them as she grounds herself on the earth.
I was also drawn to add the owl and the horse for some reason (can you find them)
I also loved the image of the spiral and the shadow of the person raising their arms up.

I think the dream I am seeing for myself in this dreamboard is more like a reminder. A reminder to plant my feet firmly on the ground and remember to come back to earth to find my center and balance. I am a triple earth sign, Capricorn Sun, Taurus Moon and Virgo rising so the this is a good reminder for me.

Please click on the picture for a larger view. I am away and the lighting is bad here so the picture is not the greatest.

Great Giveaways at Mrs B's Confession of a Pagan Soccer Mom

Hi All.

There are some great Halloweeney giveaways at Mrs B's Confession of A Pagan Soccer Mom. She has also decked out her blog in it's Halloween best, very cool.
Click on the badge below to check out all the fun.

Good Luck!

A Pause for some Musical Entertainment

I just felt like a little "Jammin" today.
Bob Marley always was a powerful voice for freedom

Spring, Summer, Fall or winter, it's always a good season to listen to reggae!

Enjoy.

"Jammin" - Bob Marley

The Joy Diet - Second Ingredient: The Truth

I have to be truthful here, I did not want to do this chapter of "The Joy Diet". I wanted to tell a little white lie about it , make something up as I went….but you know how that goes.

I tried to hide from the truth all week but it just kept creeping up on me, like once I had it set in my mind to avoid the truth, the truth just kept jumping out at me. Actually I grew up in a house that held lies and shame, not that you would know that from the outside, but I felt it and now I find I would rather hear the truth. That is not to say it was all bad, because it wasn't. I also did not sit well with nothing this week, but I think that had to do with the fact that I was trying not to hear the truth, and sitting with nothing can lead your mind to the truth sometimes!

Here are some of my experiences while reading this chapter on truth and where it led me.

In reading the chapter I recognized myself when she was describing dissociation and denial. I did that a lot as a kid and still do it now from time to time. The problem is as she states, things start to feel unreal, and we lose touch with our senses. It was so bad for me at one point that the only thing my body felt was pain, pain in my stomach, arm, leg, whatever it was at the time. My body was giving me messages to wake up and start listening. I had numbed myself out so much from my emotions and was very disconnected from my body; my favorite way recently of doing this was by emotional eating. The truth being that I gained 60 pounds in a few years before I realized what was happening.

It has been a long journey but I feel I am on the path to healing where this is concerned. I still struggle but I see some forward movement, especially in being able to share my story and to actually stick up for myself instead shutting down. Some of the people in my life did not like when I starting “talking back” and wanting answers, I was not acting like the good girl they wanted me to be. And now as an adult I can see those ways of coping that served me well as a child and young adult no longer serve me and I feel It may now be safe to look for the truth within.

I will share a truth that came to me as I was reading this chapter: My Dad is NOT the man I thought he was, he was more and less than I thought. He was a man of secrets, some of them coming to light after his death. I think he spent a lifetime in denial and he struggled with addiction. Having to juggle so many secrets must have chipped away at him. But the truth also is that he DID love me the best he could, and ironically I got my sense of justice from him (he was in law enforcement) and I believe I inherited my empathy and compassion from him.

I believe his was a tender soul but he grew up in a tough environment and he had to cope the best he could to survive his circumstances. I was very angry and felt betrayed when I discovered some of his secrets but I have moved past that into forgiveness and compassion, that is my truth for today. So you see the story I had told myself about my father was not the truth and I may never know the whole truth of that story, but that is ok. The picture above is of my Dad holding me as a baby, I wish I could remember that moment. And the truth now is I am ready and willing to heal.

Wow sorry this is so long; I guess my truth wanted to be heard more than I expected. Thank you so much for your support in giving me this space to share my story. And I look forward to hearing all about your week of truth.

Whip It - Movie Trailer

This movie looks very cool. I love the tagline "Whip It, be your own hero"
Here is a brief description from Imdb
"In Bodeen, Texas, an indie-rock loving misfit finds a way of dealing with her small-town misery after she discovers a roller derby league in nearby Austin."
There is a line in the trailer that I like, when talking about the roller derby the lead character explains why she is doing it by saying "I am in love with this" Oh, I hope some day to say that about something I am doing.

Looks like it's right up my alley.

Have a great night.

Trailer for "Whip It"

Wishcasting Wednesday - What do you wish to share?

Over at Jamie Ridler's Studio today is Wishcasting Wednesday. The prompt today is "What do you wish to share?" Hmmmm this one has me a little nervous, how much am I willing to share with all my Wednesday Wishcasters?

I can share that I am wondering what my purpose in this lifetime is, I feel like I am adrift most days, living in a state of anticipation, waiting for something to react to instead of just living my life. I wonder a lot about the past and what happened there that broke my trust and faith in the world. I wonder can I just be ok with the not knowing, can I just take those steps forward and start making the changes that will help me grow and find my place.

I can share a secret with you, sometimes I wonder if my husband really loves me or if he just stays with me because he does not think he can find someone else. It has nothing to do with him really it has to do with me not feeling like things are ok, a general lack of faith and trust in things and a lack of self-esteem in self.

I can share a bit about Trust and Faith, they don't come to me very easily, both were broken pretty early on for me. I am rebuilding them slowly, even participating in this exercise of wishcasting is a sign that my faith and trust is rebuilding, and I have all of you and Jamie to thank for that so THANK YOU!

I can share that one of my newly found dreams is to share with others this creative path I am on, I have found it has led me to different modes of healing, modes that get you out of your head and into the spirit. I would love some day to have a place where I can gather with like minded souls and we can all create together in a safe place where we can SHARE our stories.

I feel like just sharing some of these things with you has helped create some openings in me, some space where the heart can grow. The picture above is of me outside standing in my mint plants, I have a sense of peace outside in nature recently and I am going to try to make an effort to be outside more.


Namaste

Visual Free Association

Being a very visual person I tend to look at images and words will come to me. It reminds me of the free association game where someone says a word and then you say the first word that comes to you from that.

I thought it would be cool to post images here and then post 3 words that come to me immediately upon viewing the image. If you care to join me just add your words to the comments section below.

The first one is from Andrew Wyeth. Image from JSS Gallery.
Here Goes...


And my 3 words are:
Longing
Searching
Reaching

What are your words?